Dear Courtney, September 3, 2015
I turned 5 a few weeks ago so mama said I am old enough to learn how to write. I wanted my first letter to be to you. I know it has been over a year since you went to Rainbow Bridge and I keep waiting to see if you will write us a letter but mama says you are busy over there. She told me that when you crossed over the bridge that you could see and hear again and that you were running and playing all day and that you were too busy to write us. But mama finds the feathers you leave for her. Each time I look up at mama as she bends down to pick them up. I see that her eyes get all teary as she holds it to her heart.
I was just thinking the other day while we were walking the beach that you would really love this place we live now, it is called Baja. Mama takes me for walks on the beach in the morning as the sun is rising and in the evening as the sun is setting. Mama talks a lot about you on these walks. She tells me things I never knew about you. She told me you used to love to run the beaches in California when you were younger and that you would even run and bark at people like I sometimes do!
Today on the beach just as the sun was rising, mama cried. I think she was thinking of you. I can see it in her eyes. She usually picks me up and hugs me when she is thinking of you and I do my best to kiss her face, and I know she loves me, but I know I can never fill the hole in her heart that you left when you crossed the bridge.
Mama has your ashes next to our Shabbat candles and as she lights them each Friday night she pats your box and I know she wishes you were here with us. Your picture is on the refrigerator so she can see you each day she goes into the kitchen.
I wish I could have known you when you were younger, I know I only got a year to live with you and by that time you were already deaf and blind, but I still remember our talks late at night. I want you to know that I have kept my promise. I watch over mama very carefully. I am never far from her side, I just wish I could talk to her in a language she would understand.
Mama likes to go to a restaurant here called La Picazon, but I am thinking it is not so much because of the food, although the food is delicious. The owners have two dogs that look like you. One is red and one is black. She holds them when she goes and hugs them. I have a feeling she thinks of you when she does. The interesting thing is that I am not jealous. I know and understand that mama always had enough love for the both of us. I know that mama loves me in a different way from you and love is love.
I bet you would be happy to learn you became an aunt, and it was on my birthday! Our brother Kurt and Jessica now have a little girl named Harmony and I get to go meet her soon. Mama told me you always loved babies. I will try to be good and I will try to make you proud of me.
I know as a little brother I wasn’t always nice. Part of it was that I was scared mama was going to take me back to the shelter and I wanted to stay with you. So when I acted out it was just because I didn’t know how to behave after all those years of living in the shelter. I do think you would be proud of me now.
I hope you are having fun up at the rainbow bridge. Mama still talks to you every day, but I think you know that. I will keep protecting mama and doing the best I can to fill your shoes.
Love, your kid brother, Bruce