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Sometimes I have to ride my bike 20 miles to melitas' house to check on her and make sure she is obeying the "warden"...

Notice she is riding so fast her hair is blowing in the wind!I rode my bike 20 miles to check up on Melitas to make sure she was obeying the “warden”…

A New Routine at the Old Homestead …

As the years keep piling up, my old bod’ has developed a whole bunch of different aches and pains. Sometimes the back aches — it was supposed to be fixed after a laminectomy in April of 1991. Well, what can you expect after 20 years? Then recently the right hip has started to give me fits, so more moaning and groaning. The hip was replaced in December 1991 so it will be 20 years old this year. I would hope the screws are not coming loose — like they have been in my head. The doctor at Scripps La Jolla said the hip would last 10 years, so I’m ahead of the game on that one …… I guess. I don’t know about the head part.
At this juncture, my Warden (Alba) is sick and tired of all the moaning and groaning that goes on, so she has instituted a new regimen around here to get me going and shape me up. She may have been a personal trainer in one of her past lives, or maybe she had a secret desire to become one, because now WE have to get on the old stationary bike in the garage and pedal away while she watches and times me. Naturally, the RULE BOOK was brought out and revisions were made under Section II Home Alone: Meli, do not –repeat — DO NOT (in bold capitals) even entertain the idea of climbing on that bike all by yourself. The Warden has to be right there, guarding away, so I won’t fall off. When that routine is completed to her satisfaction, I am then marched into the house where I am plunked down on a straight-backed chair. Now this straight-back chair is no ordinary chair. It is from La Paz, Bolivia and is all gold-leafed with a royal blue velvet-padded seat, circa 17th century — one of the Warden’s treasures from her many assignments when she was with the US State Department. I feel honored to be plunked down on this piece of ancient furniture. Then my feet are plunked down on this machine which is on the floor in front of THE chair, and this gizmo jiggles my feet so vigorously the feet may come apart at the ankles. She doesn’t stand over me too much during this phase of the exercises because I am not so apt to fall off the chair. Or am I?

There are also a couple of 1 lb. barbells that I have to wave around for strengthening arms. I probably should be using ½ lb. ones, but I don’t think they make them that small.

This goes on each morning as I rise to face the day – and emit the first moans and groans.

The Warden may decide to escalate these body-building —and I use the term loosely — exercises, and since we don’t have any more machines around here, she may decide that going to a gym is just the thing. I would not look forward to such an arrangement — it would be a disaster. To go through the various exercises at the gym, it would be fitting that I dress the part. It would be nice to have a form- fitting body suit, and if it happened to be in a shade of chartreuse, all of the folks working on their body-building would spot me and think they were exercising right along-side Kermit the Frog.

Or they might look around to see if there was a camera crew lurking about filming a new Geico insurance commercial.

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