INTO THE FUTURE                                                            DECEMBER 9, 2013


This is not one of my Memoirs.  How can it be a Memoir when I am predicting future events, and not writing about my wonderful, carefree kid days?  If all these events that I am going to talk about come true maybe I should change careers and find a crystal ball somewhere.  After all, I have retired from at least seven different careers.  This Memoir thing is only four years long, while there was the retirement after 27 years in the saloon and restaurant business over in San Juan Capistrano and Laguna Beach, and then there was the 22-year career spent here in the Desert doing Real Estate.  Gosh, this is all in the past — I gotta get going into the future.

The Warden is planning her annual escape for the Christmas Holidays, leaving around the 20th of December, for the Aztec and Tigua Reservation Headquarters in Gilbert AZ, a suburb of Phoenix.  There, her brother, Horace, reigns as “Cuauhtémoc” the most famous and fearless of all the Aztec leaders who were building their pyramids, conducting human sacrifices in their temples, growing corn, in what is now the Mexico City area.  His wife, Jennie, is Chief of the New Mexico Tigua tribe.  These two Tribes have always welcomed me to participate in this Annual Pow Wow – or any others they may deem necessary to have throughout the year – because of my Famous Margarita Recipe.  For the past few years I have been unable to attend due to my banged-up condition, whatever it may be at the time – or maybe the age-induced problems.  Besides, I could end up in Federal Prison because it is against the law to bring alcoholic spirits onto a reservation – much less let the members imbibe.  In case the Tiguas are ever allowed by our esteemed government to operate a casino, Jennie would become my long-lost, dearest friend, and I would be at the Pow Wow even if they had to somehow fly me over there on my bed like they had to fly Frida Kahlo, noted Mexican artist, to the most prestigious showing of her career – her bed flying through the air.  (Go rent “Frida” the movie for more on this, and the music is spectacular – or rent my copy.)

So, by now you are thinking:  “Is the Warden leaving the Prisoner alone to her own devices while she is away at the tribal gathering?”  NOT ON YOUR LIFE! She has a back-up – a Vice Warden – to step right in to guard and keep the Prisoner in line.  This Vice Warden happens to be a niece of mine, Marcie — youngest child of my younger sister, Vivian.  Marcie has 2 siblings, George and Janice, and they live up in the Sacramento area so they won’t be hunkering around trying to tell her how to do her job.  Marcie lives over in MorenoValley, and my real, head Warden has been having her over several times for instructions, and to get the hang of all this “responsibility” she will be facing.  I hope the Warden didn’t scare her off because I would just hate it if I had to fend for myself.

Number One on the list is all about the care and feeding of the Prisoner, and it is fortunate that it amounts to just 2 meals a day.  I get up late so breakfast can be any time from 10:30 to 12 AM, or even 1 PM.  Then the cocktail hour arrives before you know it, so dinner can be 6 PM or later.  By her own admission, Marcie says she is not much of a cook.  On the other hand, by my own admission, I am, or should say, I was a very good cook in my day.  My Holiday turkey dinners were priceless, but, alas! there are no survivors to vouch for my culinary prowess.  But Marcie and I will be just fine; that is if I can persuade the Warden to make several huge pots of her “to die for” lentils.  These should last during her entire absence.  The thing is, we will have to freeze all these gallons of this “delisioso and recisimo” (Spanish for god, good, good) concoction in small containers, and the freezers in the fridges around here are filled to capacity, which means buying a new freezer.  I will not even consider buying one of those LG brand freezers.  It has to be an L.F. (Lentil Freezer.)

Since Marcie is my niece, she may not try to boss me around like the real Warden does because I can be quite intimidating when dealing with the one generation younger set. The 2nd and 3rd generations after me are pushovers. Plus she may not have time to give too many orders anyway because she is addicted to the “Jumbles” puzzle which appears every day in our Desert Sun newspaper.  My cranium was on overload and had a brainstorm:  start saving those puzzles for the Vice Warden’s tour of duty:  they should keep her plenty business while she is supposed to be guarding me, and I can just go about whatever I want with no interruptions — except when she wants me to figure one of the words out.

Marcie will be getting up long before my peepers start to open, so she will have had her breakfast.  When I finally rise for the day, I will have coffee, read the newspaper, then get the myriad of pills and elixirs together while my bowl of lentils is getting zapped in the micro.  Before the micro, I will have stuffed it with goodies I may feel like: asparagus, artichoke hearts, other veggies, or maybe leftovers from the night before, lots of calamata olives. Avocado is always good.  If Marcie is hungry for lunch, the fridge doors are not locked.  The next opening of fridge will be when it is “5 o’clock somewhere,” and it will be little OLD me finding the ice department and a lime.  A little later, it will be dinner, and both of us will be there in kitchen trying to figure what to fix.  Never fear, we can always fall back on that cache of lentils in the freezer.  If we are tired of our own cooking, Applebee’s is just down Miles Ave. at the corner of Washington.  We will really have a wonderful time hashing over our lives.

The Warden and I do not go overboard on Christmas presents.  We were in Staples a couple of weeks ago, and I spotted a very nice Engagement book for 2014.  The Warden hates spending a lot of money for the fillers, and I asked her if she would like that for Christmas.  Well, she was thrilled.  Then just the other day, she told me to go get one of those fillers (overpriced in her mind) for my present.

Somehow, I feel like buying a calendar for the next year is like buying green bananas.




MELITAS FORSTER                                           MONDAYS WITH MELITAS


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