Two years ago today my father passed away.  I knew when my mom called me that morning that he had already passed.  I can tell you exactly where I was at the moment of the phone call.  Grief has a way of doing that, it carves its memory into your brain.  My sister, brother and I were already planning on flying out the next day in hopes of seeing him one last time, but he left this earth before we could say our good-byes.

The dad I remember was the dad of my childhood.  After my parents divorced I was only about 4 and for the first few years he would pick us up on the weekend.  I looked forward to those visits.  My heart ached when he stopped showing up.  As a little child I was too young to understand what the word abandonment meant.  I just knew that my heart hurt and that even know on Sunday nights (the night my dad would bring us all home from those weekend visits) I feel a sense of sadness and it has been over 40 years since those visits.)

I was able to live with my dad during a 15 month period of my high school life.  I wanted to get to know this man I called Dad.  At the time he lived with a woman who considered me a bother and only cared about her two young daughters.  I would even go as far to say she was abusive to me emotionally during that time I lived there.  I still have the scars of that time I lived there.  My dad was tender hearted, but he was no match for her.

I then became an adult and I did manage to see my dad a few times during my adult years.  The last time I was with him I was on a book tour in Seattle with my book Fig on a Stick.  I met up with my dad and his (new) wife Lee for dinner.  I gave my dad my book and he was so proud.  He told everyone around this is my daughter and she wrote a book.  I felt warm inside my heart.

I didn’t realize that would be the last time I would see my dad.  Life gets busy and I did know that he had finally married someone who really loved him.  I wish he would have married Lee when I was younger, my time living with my dad would have been much different.

In the Jewish religion we say the Mourner’s Kaddish.  I said it last night in temple and will repeat it this morning.

Yit’gadal v’yit’kadash sh’mei raba (Cong: Amein). May His great Name grow exalted and sanctified (`Cong: Amen.)

b’al’ma di v’ra khir’utei in the world that He created as He willed.

v’yam’likh mal’khutei b’chayeikhon uv’yomeikhon May He give reign to His kingship in your lifetimes and in your days,

uv’chayei d’khol beit yis’ra’eil and in the lifetimes of the entire Family of Israel,

ba’agala uviz’man kariv v’im’ru: swiftly and soon. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation:) Amein. Y’hei sh’mei raba m’varakh l’alam ul’al’mei al’maya (Amen. May His great Name be blessed forever and ever.)

Yit’barakh v’yish’tabach v’yit’pa’ar v’yit’romam v’yit’nasei Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled,

v’yit’hadar v’yit’aleh v’yit’halal sh’mei d’kud’sha mighty, upraised, and lauded be the Name of the Holy One

(Mourners and Congregation:) B’rikh hu. Blessed is He.

l’eila min kol bir’khata v’shirata beyond any blessing and song,

toosh’b’chatah v’nechematah, da’ameeran b’al’mah, v’eemru: praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation:) Amein Amen

Y’hei sh’lama raba min sh’maya May there be abundant peace from Heaven

v’chayim aleinu v’al kol yis’ra’eil v’im’ru and life upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation:) Amein Amen

Oseh shalom bim’romav hu ya’aseh shalom He Who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace,

aleinu v’al kol Yis’ra’eil v’im’ru upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:

(Mourners and Congregation:) Amein Amen