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The Memoir Coach Blog

Guest blog by Peter McCabe

Several months ago while working at IVHP in Palm Springs, I met Peter in one of my classes.  He is a wonderful man with a great sense of humor and wit,  he recently sent this to me and I asked him if I could share with you! 
 
 
REMEMBER ME TOO

I’m in my Golden Years now …reluctantly…slowing down like old
Grizabella – T.S. Eliot’s cat. I don’t think any house should have a
mirror or scale. I remember Margaret Garrity – an old Irish maid we had one summer in her nineties – she could still do the Irish jig in the kitchen and touch her toes. She once said, “I can’t believe the old person who looks back at me in my mirror….I don’t feel like her.Who is she?”People often say age is a state of mind. Personally, I’d like to murder the person who penned the term “Golden Years”. I think they really meant “golden showers“. I knew I should have bought the tee shirt that read, “Growing Old is Not for Sissies”.

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I was born in New York City on June 17, 1936 up on Riverside Drive. My parents bought a house in New Jersey for $9,000 in 1941 and we moved to Allenhurst, a beautiful town by the sea where my younger brother Jay and I grew up. The town/borough measured five blocks by five blocks (Cedar, Spier, Corlies, Allen, and Elberon Avenues with cross streets Ocean, Norwood, Page and Main Streets)and bordered the Atlantic Ocean on one side and Deal Lake on the other. There were very few lights in houses back then in wintertime: most of the people only used their homes there for the summer. The locals commuted into New York four hours per day on the Pennsylvania Railroad and New York Central lines(they competed with each other)The Pennsylvania train went right into Penn Station – midtown New York and the New York Central went into Jersey City where people caught the ferryboats to downtown New York City. There was no New Jersey Turnpike or Garden State Parkway. Most people commuted to New York daily on the train (4 hours round trip)
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Often I have flashbacks where I remember everything as a child growing up during World War II in an age without T.V. or washing machines or refrigerators or even heat in cars…..I know there was great closeness then….we didn’t have all the modern day distractions of technology and families were closer together. We’d gather around the radio as a family and listen to FDR’s “fireplace chats” and Baby Snooks, One Man’s Family, Lux Radio Theater, The Lone Ranger,etc…imagination went wild…absolute thrilling experiences.Our country was involved in World War II (we actually had to “house” three soldiers who were in training at Fort Monmouth six miles away – two of them lived in a room over our garage and the other (“Gundy”)inhabited the back room off off the kitchen) There were no T.V’s, refrigerators or even heat in the cars (blankets sufficed) There were no turnpikes going into New York City.
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Allenhurst had a little village of stores that included Schultz’s Pharmacy (with a soda counter where we’d order “Dusty Millers” and
blow the malt all over each other) Bill’s Delicatessen (with
the best sandwiches: he’d put cole slaw on the ham and cheese
sandwiches) the five and ten cent store, one bank, the quaint
railroad station with a newstand and candy store.
Everyone knew everyone else and far too much information. Families intermarried and the homes all had great big wrap around
porches with awnings in the summer time. When my folks bought
their home at 206 Spier Avenue in 1942 they paid $9,000 for
it. In 27 years we never had a key for the back door. The
iceman delivered blocks; the milk man let himself in and put
the bottles of milk (with cream on the top)right in the
icebox…no one ever entered the house or ripped it off.
 
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The best part of the summer was the Allenhurst Beach Club..
The pool and bath house area were huge with a bandstand (live music playing often) and a snack bar underneath it….the shuffleboard courts were on the south side with a large restaurant/clubhouse overlooking the ocean. At the north end of town, there were lots of cabanas (with double dressing rooms with a shower in between, an indoor room with a refrigerator and a nice porch outside) a boardwalk ran the length of the whole town with a jetty and lagoon on the north end touching Deal, New Jersey.
The famous city of Asbury Park (Bruce Springsteen territory) was only seven streets away with its huge boardwalk and a much larger population. It really was a Shangri-la growing up there.
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The beach club would open right after Memorial Day and close on Labor Day.There were lots of activities: dances every weekend, free
dance lessons… beach parties,swimming races with other
beach clubs, outdoor movies at night on the shuffleboard
courts (we’d buy pickles at the deli and throw them) and we’d
bundle up in blankets and sit on benches….
F.Scott Fitzgerald once drove over from Princeton and wrote about
the bathing beauties on the Allenhurst beach.
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The highlight of the summer each year was the Allenhurst Antics Charity show we gave for Fitkin Hospital. A professional director would come down from New York City with lots of skits, musical numbers, costumes, practice sessions and the whole town would get involved. We’d perform the show for one weekend in August at the Berkeley- Carteret Hotel on the Asbury Park boardwalk. The lyrics of every grand finale were:
“Allah Allah Allenhurst -our beautiful town by the sea
Where sunshine is brightest and hearts are the lightest
And everyone’s gay as can be
“Let’s all sing to Allenhurst -
It’s Heaven to you and to me…
So Allah be praised for Allenhurst -
Our Allenhurst by the Sea.”
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Mondays with Melitas – April 16, 2012

A note from the desk of Tammy L. Coia:

I know you are expecting to see our dear friend Melitas spreading her laughter and wisdom on this blog today, but unfortunately she is feeling a little under the weather.  I did go by to check in on her yesterday to make sure she really was not feeling well and not just playing possum.  I was ready to give her a lecture if I saw her in her tiedie t-shirt heading out the door to Coachella to rock and roll with all the other 85,000 visitors here in Coachella Valley this weekend. 

But no…she was still in her cute little pj’s and snuggly robe drinking a cup of coffee with the paper next to her side.  Her hair did look a little disheveled, but she is on the mend.  I told her I would give her a reprieve from the weekly grind of blog writing and told her to get better soon!

With only one week away from her 94th birthday she needs to get all the rest she can get.  The warden told me that she slept for 14 hours straight the night before, so I am assuming she must really need the rest!

I know we all look forward to hearing from her next week with her weekly blog.  I am enclosing a picture I took of her (not yesterday, but a few weeks ago).  Feel free to leave Melitas some comments today as I know she loves hearing from each of you each week!

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My newest batch of graduates!

 Wow, yesterdays luncheon was fabulous!  My newest batch of graduates lit up the stage with their amazing stories.  Nearly 50 women gathered together (and 2 men!) to listen and honor these 6 women. 

Our luncheons are becoming so much fun for all those who participate.  I love the sharing of the women and the friendships that have developed. 

These 6 women have been so much fun to work with, I have loved each and every moment we have shared in our classes.

Congratulations for all the words you shared and the feelings behind your words.  You six are amazing!

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Pure Joy!

 Later this morning I will proudly be graduating six amazing women who have completed the Leaving a Legacy Series.  This group of women have been such a joy to teach.

They have amazed me each week with their writing and sharing.  I am sad to see them graduate, but I also am so proud of all that they have accomplished. 

The friendships that have been nurtured will last a lifetime.

Congratulations to Barbara, JJ, Dorys, Jane, Anne and Kay…I have loved each class we have shared together!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What causes you to stand up and pay attention?

 Life presents many opportunities for us to stand up and pay attention. 

When we write our life stories what are those stories that come to the forefront of your mind that you need to tell.

This week in my workshops we discussed many different aspects of the memoir process.  In one of my classes we discussed the choices we have had to make throughout our lifetime.   Some of the choices we have made have been life changing.  We also discussed the challenges that present themselves to us.  When we are faced with challenges do we stand up and pay attention or do we shrink down and crawl under the proverbial covers?

In another of my workshops we discussed firsts.  The first kiss we had, our the first car we learned to drive, or maybe even our first divorce!  Many times it is those firsts in our lives that cause us to stand up and pay attention.

As you write your life story think back to those times in your life where you paid attention, what was the cause and what did you learn from it?

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Writing about firsts…

Yesterday I was teaching a memoir workshop for Inter Valley Health Plans here in La Quinta.  The topic we tackled was writing about firsts.    The first of anything in our lives is always thought-provoking.  It can trigger a lot of memories when you think about the first time you learned how to ride a two-wheeler bike, or rollerskated backwards or for me when I bounced on my pogo stick one thousand bounces in a row!

This Friday I am having another graduation for my newest group of graduates.  I am expecting nearly 50 in attendance for this special occasion.  It brings me back to my first graduating class back nearly 3 years ago in May of 2009.  The women pictured to the right are my first class that I nickamed the feral cats.  This group of 5 women bonded together and have been my number one supporters as I have been building my business.

I love remembering sitting in our classes and listening to their stories, seeing their tears and feeling the warmth of the love of  this amazing group of women.

Since their graduation I have graduated a number of students from my Legacy program.  I am thrilled that this Friday, I have managed to corral all my ferals back to coming to this very special graduation!  If you have not signed up for this luncheon, let me know today by 3 pm as it will be fantastic!

Email me at tlceducator@yahoo.com

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Mondays with Melitas – April 9, 2012

WHO WOULDA THUNK IT?

APRIL 9, 2012

A sorta PROLOGUE, sorta. If you would like to get up to speed for the following scenario, please go to Aug. 22, 2011, then to Mar. 5 and Mar. 12, 2012 — those 3 sagas will bring you up to the following: 

 Who Woulda Thunk It? Least of all, me. I’ll never know what hit me. I was sucker-punched, blind-sided — and I am still reeling. I haven’t mentioned about cancelling my trip on March 14th to the dentist due to the fact that I was a little under the weather from the Bout with the Gout. It was just 4 or 5 days ago (in April) when I finally dragged myself in there. I was feeling quite cocky to imagine that the dental crew might not even notice that Old 86 had gone the way of all flesh, but had been such a great trouper lasting 2½ years longer than Dr. Mohler wished it to. I clamored into the dental chair, really a bit excited, and who in the world gets excited about getting into that chair of torture? As for me, there is always great trepidation wondering what surprises are lurking there in my jaws where the toothies grow (some are long gone) so that I am able to chew the food to keep me alive and healthy. Hygienist Delilah secured the dental bib over my bazooms to keep accidents from getting all over the nice ensemble I wear to the dentist. I then opened my mouth as wide as possible, and asked Delilah, “Do you notice anything?” She said, “No, why?” “Well, don’t you see —-? Old ’86 has gone to its maker, gone missing a month ago?” She said, “No, your ’86 is still there,” and with that she tapped a LOWER back tooth. I loudly said, “No! don’t you see the empty spot up here?” as I pointed to the empty space. Well, she still was adamant — and I was still adamant. She then grabbed an x-ray to show me, and there in very plain sight, was a lower back tooth marked ’86. So I asked “So why is that space up there?” Delilah answered very tritely, “It’s been there for quite some time.” What could I do at this juncture? I just laid back and let her pick away at those soldiers that are still hanging in there. I felt like I had egg on my face. On the other side of the coin, it turned out to be a pleasant hour because we did not need to see Dr. Mohler. I will probably run into him at the next “séance” because the x-ray’s will be having their turn, and you know what that means! — a higher cost for the visit with x-rays, and possibly a few choice words thrown in like “if it ain’t broke ——.” I honestly do not remember a blank space where there is now a blank space that I thought was not a blank space all this time. Now that this has happened — and what a shocker it has been to my delicate psyche — it’s a wake up call for me to be more alert and observant. Driving home being very alert and very observant trying to stay out of the way of all those “snowbirds” who are supposed to cause so much road rage for the locals, I got to thinking that this rude awakening was not all that bad, after all, especially when I started to think about my old friend ’86. It’s as if I had taken a trip by auto to Maine to visit my ex- niece-in-law, Maxine, and had taken my little salt and pepper poodle, Salty Dog along and somehow she went missing ‘way up there in Maine. There was no finding her, and I was heavy-hearted, and I simply had to return home to Laguna Beach and tend to my bar business. I missed my Salty Dog so much, and mourned her absence— and then lo and behold that little rascal appeared at the front door with her paws all bloody, and she was so dehydrated, looking so dragged out (not just out of the poodle plucker’s salon all pretty as a picture) about a year later. So now I am thinking life is good once again. Ol’ 86 was only missing for a month and a half. Always look on the bright side, AND SHOW THOSE PEARLY-WHITES Epilogue: Salty Dog and I did not go on this trip. She passed at age 18, and is buried on a little ranch on Avenue 50 and Jefferson.

 MELITAS FORSTER                                                                                                                                                                               

settle down melitas...this won't hurt a bit...

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Going to my first Seder!

I  was going for an afternoon run here in beautiful Palm Springs when I ran past the Palm Springs Art Museum, up the road past the Catholic Church, turned at the Jewish Temple, around the cemetery and then as I was looping back through the road I came across a whole mob of people near the Catholic Church. It was there that I saw Jesus on his cross getting ready to be crucified.  It was interesting watching the crowds reaction as some of those gathering were visibly shaken by the dramatic scene that was being played out before them. 

It reminded me of the importance of this weekend to many people of different faiths.  To the Christians and Catholics this weekend marks the time Jesus was crucified and the Jewish faith celebrates Passover. 

Whatever you celebrate: Easter or Passover or just the chocolate bunny rabbit it is an interesting thing to write about.  What did you celebrate as a child and what do you celebrate today? 

Shabbat Shalom!

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Mondays with Melitas – April 2, 2012

FIRST TIME ON STAGE

I was running for 7th and 8th grade student body president against my boyfriend, Pershing Hodgson, whom everyone (mostly the girls) adored – star athlete, smart in school, AND handsome. There was a lot of campaigning from my group of girls against his group of boys, and then came the day we had to each get up in the auditorium and tell the students how great we would be, so please vote for me.

I stood on the stage of the school auditorium, said my piece – lost the election – and afterwards there was this thing my younger sister, Vivian, told me she would never forget. From the audience, all she and friends could focus on was my shoes, and the way the toes turned up. That’s all that could be seen — not even the ankle socks I had on — just the toes of those brown oxfords. This scene was from their vantage point in the first few rows in the audience. Well, she and her gang teased me like forever about it. At least they managed to release lots of endorphins, which is very healthy to have happen, while I fumed and dark clouds gathered around my head.

When I look back, I think a lot of my so-called girl friends just plain old voted for “Puss” Hodgson. Well, for one thing, he was a lot cuter than I.

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Guest blog by Daily Om…Womanhood

 

When any woman honors herself, all women collectively move closer to becoming what they are truly capable of being.

There are many ways and myriad reasons for women to honor and embrace all that they are. And when any individual woman chooses to do so, all women collectively move closer to becoming what they are truly capable of being. By honoring her experience and being willing to share it with others—both male and female—she teaches as she learns. When she can trust herself and her inner voice, she teaches those around her to trust her as well. Clasping hands with family members and friends, coworkers and strangers in a shared walk through the journey of life, she allows all to see the self-respect she possesses and accepts their respect, too, that is offered through look, word, and deed.

When a woman can look back into her past, doing so without regret and instead seeing only lessons that brought her to her current strength and wisdom, she embraces the fullness of her experience. She helps those around her to build upon the past as she does. And when she chooses to create her desires, she places her power in the present and moves forward with life into the future.

Seeing her own divinity, a woman learns to recognize the divinity in all women. She then can see her body as a temple, appreciating its feminine form and function, regardless of what age or stage of life she finds herself. She can enjoy all that it brings to her experience and appreciate other women and their experiences as well. Rather than seeing other women as competition, she can look around her to see the cycle of life reflected in the beauty of her sisters, reminding her of her own radiance should she ever forget. She can then celebrate all the many aspects that make her a being worthy of praise, dancing to express the physical, speaking proudly to express her intellect, sharing her emotions, and leading the way with her spiritual guidance. Embracing her womanhood, she reveals the facets that allow her to shine with the beauty and strength of a diamond to illuminate her world.

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Memoir Coach Testimonials

Tammy Coia has provided a forum in which to share her passion with like hearts through Women’s Writing Workshops. She has created a safe and encouraging environment where we women can reveal our vulnerabilities and fully connect with our true selves. Her writing lessons are thought provoking and intertwined with practical self-esteem building exercises. Aside from the instructional elements that Tammy imparts, she readily displays her warm personality and enthusiasm for her craft. She motivates us with positive reinforcement and she is an absolute pleasure to be around. Women’s Writing Workshops has been a wonderful experience for me on many levels and I urge any and all women who have any interest in documenting their lives to take Tammy’s class.
Aimee M., La Quinta, CA